Hi I'm Bi.

If anyone were to ask me to define my sexuality, I would change my response depending on the person.

If I was talking to someone I trusted enough to have these conversations with, I would say "I'm attracted to androgyny towards the masculine side, and masculinity in general. I have no preference on gender/identity." If I was talking to someone gay, I would call myself "queer." If I was talking to a straight person I would say "I'm bi." To sum it up, you know how there are some things that matter to people when they're looking for a spouse, and they don't matter to you at all? Like someone could be really focused on a man's height or religion, or political affiliations, but to you, that is all just an afterthought? Well that's how I look at gender. It's an afterthought. It's something I forget about until the very end.

I really have no preference on these answers, because all of them are true. All of them are a part of me.

The first time I heard of the concept of bisexuality was in middle school. Shows like Flavor of Love and I Love New York were taking over Vh1. A commercial for a new series called Tila Tequila's Shot At Love came on. In the show, Tila would be dating both men and women. I had never really thought about the concept before. I just couldn't conceptualize how someone could be attracted to both men, and women. At school, someone came out as bisexual. While talking to my mother about it, she said "I don't believe in that. You either like one, or the other." That, along with my own confusion about bisexuality, along with years of indoctrinated homophobia sealed the deal. Bisexuality was non-existent and bisexuality was bad.

I'm 21 years old now, and I know that's not true. The decision to date people of your same gender, and other genders, is not a political choice. It's not confusion. It's taking people for who they are, at their simplest form. This isn't to say that those who identify as monosexual are close-minded, or wrong. It's to say that bisexuality has given me some grief, but like with most marginalized identities, it's allowed me to see something beautiful.

Since coming out I've heard the microagressions. From my mother labeling me "gay," because I told her I was dating someone who identified as a woman at the time. To a past lover saying "I only love men because of their penises," which is just transphobic and all types of wrong. To being accused of being transphobic for identifying as bi, even though many trans people identify as bisexual. There's also the arguments over the use of the word "femme," and other queer political thought that most straight people wouldn't know about.

I try to stay out of these debates because maybe I still feel as though I'm a baby bi. Most of my friends do not identify as bi, and it can get lonely sometimes. However, this year I've interacted with a lot of awesome Black bi people, and it's made life a lot better.

Of course straight people will question the existence of bisexuality, but it often happens from people within the queer community. I've had people suggest that it's like a light switch. That I should just go back to dating women, or men. Which is wrong, but also those aren't the only genders! Someone told a friend that they were enforcing heteronormativity for having sex with male-identified people even though they identified as bi/pan. The idea that bi people are attention-starved "because that's how the bi people I knew in middle school were." The idea that we are more likely to cheat, when in reality, cheating is just indicative of a selfish person, not a bi person. The list goes on and on, and frankly, I don't have the time.

I'm learning to embrace all parts of me. I'm no longer allowing people to call me a lesbian out of laziness. I'm bisexual. It's not all of me, but it's a part of me. Today is my day.

I love myself.

I can't believe I allowed myself to be in a relationship where I constantly questioned my worth because most times I interacted with that person, I had to deal with mood swings and an overall bad attitude.

 I've been using the past two months to learn about self-love and to change the way I see myself. People have always told me that I'm smart, or driven, articulate, focused, sometimes pretty? I've hard it multiple times and I've appreciated it, and I've seen glimpses of it. However, I haven't internalized it. I haven't accepted these things as fact, and I haven't allowed them to affect the way I see myself.  Now I am. Now I'm able to wake up in the morning and see a gorgeous girl. I see a dedicated friend, a respectful daughter. I see a future world-changer. I see a smart woman. I see a survivor. I see someone who is strong. I see someone growing and changing and improving. I see someone worth loving.

What do you think your life would look like if you internalized compliments? What if you truly believed that you were beautiful? What if you believed that you were unique and valuable? What if you complimented yourself as easily as you compliment your friends? How would your life change? Who would still be there?

 I just know how it feels good to wake up and feel appreciated by friends and family. I know it feels good to have my opinions heard and valued. I know it feels good to know where I stand with someone. It feels good to have doors opened for me, it feels good to be introduced to people, it feels good to feel appreciated. It feels amazing to have people message me and tell me they're happy for me. It feels good to laugh with friends. It feels good to be Kristina. Single, in a relationship, married, skinny, fat. It feels good to be me regardless of any stage I enter in my life. I love myself and that's something that will stand firmly.

It's showing through how I interact with people. It's allowing me to feel calmer and less bitter. I aggressively build myself up. I selfishly do things for myself. I don't settle, I don't enter situations that will make me unhappy. I don't engage with people I don't like. I don't attend events that I don't want to. I don't pretend to be anything I'm not. I treat people's bad behavior as a reflection of them, not a reflection of me.

Many people tell me I'm a good person or they're happy to know me. Now I'm demanding that they act like it. Don't tell me I'm great, show me I'm great. Or expect our interactions to end.

I'm learning that self-love isn't a cute topic for HuffPo articles. I'm learning that self-love saves. Self-love empowers. Self-love is beautiful.

I love myself.