I know that as a White Southern Christian Woman it might be odd for you to see an opinionated Black girl with "unkempt" hair having a differing opinion.  

I know that most of the time you see people like me, they are shining your shoes.
They are politely saying "yes ma'm", and scurrying away.

They are afraid of you, and they know their place. 

Well I am here to tell you that this ain’t The Help sweetie.

You is not kind, you is not smart, and you is not important.

You will not silence me.

It's seriously so easy for us to hate ourselves nowadays.

You know what's rebellious?

Radical self-love in a world that glorifies self-deprecation.

If it ain't white...

Black people talk funny.

Black people like Rap, and Trap music.

Black women dress tackily.

Black women twerk.


Black people do not know how to speak English properly, and that is why they are all unprofessional. Their word choice is one of the reasons they get passed up for jobs. It could never be racism. They say stupid statements like "yassss" and "work hunty." Those phrase are only acceptable when they're used by White Gay Men. Then they're just funny. Even though AAVE is actually a real dialect of English, it's one that Black people just made up to hide their stupidity.

Black people also listen to Rap music, which objectifies women. But not the same way that Rock has continuously objectified women. Rap objectifies women in a  different way. A Black way. So it's worse.

 If Black people didn't want to be shot at in their own cars while driving through White neighborhoods, they should simply turn their "hood" music off, and listen to more appropriate music. When are they going to realize that Iggy Azalea and Macklemore are the only artists that they need to be listening to? They're clearly the King and Queen of Rap. They write about what it REALLY means to struggle. That's something Black people definitely know nothing about.

Black women get all of their clothes from Wet Seal and other no-name stores at the mall. Their clothes are cheap, and don't fit. Never mind the fact that the majority of White college women wear tight leggings and Nike shorts to class. That's okay, because they are skinny, so it isn't revealing.

Black women also dye their hair ratchet colors like blue and pink. It's so tacky and ghetto. Don't they know that pink hair is only acceptable when it's on the latest runways, or Avril Lavigne? And why do they leave their houses with their scarves on? They should just save up money and buy an "Urban Cap", you know, those caps made out of the exact same material, but at Fashion week for thousands of dollars? Sigh. And don't even get me started on corn-rows. Those are supposed to only be worn by people with STRAIGHT hair, didn't they see the Paris runways this month?

But the number one thing that sucks about Black people is the way they dance. They grind up on guys seductively. It's almost as if they think they actually own their own bodies, and their own sexuality. It's actually really sad. Like when Nicki Minaj twerks, it's just slutty and gross. When Miley does it, sure she sucks at it, but it's a lot classier. I mean, show some respect for yourself. If you aren't going to be a size 4, you don't need to be having autonomy over your own body.

Black women DO twerk, and Black people DO like Rap Music.

These things are not good, because these things are not normal.

They go against what our society has deemed appropriate and expected behavior.

But our society is white-dominated, and white-controlled. So what is the standard for normalcy?

Whiteness is the standard, and we all must fall in line.

White people don't typically create Rap music, so it isn't normal. White people don't typically come up with phrases like "shade" and "salty", so they aren't normal things to say. White people don't typically corn-row or dread their hair, so those are abnormal things to do.


The words "bad" and "abnormal" are easily interchanged in regards to stereotypes. But either way they mean the same thing. They mean that people are doing a thing that is not White.  So therefore, any person who chooses to partake in that activity must face the consequences of their participation.

It's very scary to think about.

The fact that almost all of the consequences of our participation in Blackness could easily lead to us being killed...

while the same aspects of our Blackness are being repackaged and sold for millions of dollars.

It's very hard to live within in a  Black body. Where every aspect of our culture is seen as a rebellion.

We can't just simply exist, without being seen as a political statement.

The way we talk, the way we walk, the way we carry ourselves will always be seen as counter-culture.

We will always be "the other."

Society will burn our culture to the ground.

Then, they will pick up whatever shreds of beauty remain, and they will wear it as a spoil of war.

Am I bad because I'm living an unethical life?

Or am I bad because I'm not White?

Think Before You Share

I’m sure by now everyone has heard about the recent leak of celebrity nudes. It’s been all over twitter, TMZ, Facebook, etc. I’ve seen many articles on how to prevent similar situations from happening. Learning more about the iCloud, not sending nudes with your face, locking your phone, have all been popular phrases throughout recent weeks. I'm sure the victims of picture leaks now know what they should do in the future, which is why this article is not directed towards them.

This article is for anyone who thinks that it is the slightest bit acceptable to share unflattering, or embarrassing pictures of classmates online. Most people in college are semi-logical and are able to understand that people can be hurt by the things they spread online. They are able to comprehend that if they were in a similar situation, they would not want their pictures shared. They are able to understand that sharing pictures of fellow classmates puts themselves, and their school, in an unflattering light. So why do people do it?

It stems from people’s lack of empathy. They believe that if something doesn’t affect them directly, it doesn’t matter. It’s better to retweet a picture on Twitter to have a laugh, than to put themselves in other’s shoes. It’s better to gain notoriety on a social media site, than to have some decency. It’s better to impress your followers and friends, than to treat others with respect. It’s disgusting, sad and disheartening. It’s scary. These are our fellow classmates and peers, and they are ready to rip people to shreds at whatever chance they get!

Take a good look around. Is this how we want to represent the Eagle Nation? Is this how we want to treat our peers? If so, then maybe Georgia Southern isn’t the place for you. However, I will not tolerate this. I am tired of being silent while I watch social media become a place full of toxicity. Hopefully other students feel the same way. Let’s not forget our morals and our values. Let’s start treating others with respect.

http://www.thegeorgeanne.com/opinion/article_7e726d58-3ea2-11e4-9f15-ebcd8d359465.html

Respect Thy Major

I think we’ve all been in a situation where someone announces that they are majoring in engineering, and people suddenly make comments about how smart they are. Whether we like it or not, I think we all kind of buy into this hierarchy among the majors. There are some majors we automatically assume are for “smart” people, and some majors we assume are for lazy people. Coming into college, I definitely believed this. But now that my major is something that most people haven’t heard of, I have a unique perspective.

Even though it sounds obvious, I’ve realized that each major has value, and doesn’t determine a person’s worth. For example, I know that I could never have an art major. I suck at being creative and I don’t know when to stop changing any piece that I’ve worked on. I could also never be an education major. I am so impatient when it comes to children, and student teaching would stress me out.

There are education majors walking around with 4.0 GPAs, and chemistry majors who barely go to class. Why are we assuming that one person is more hard-working than the other? We have absolutely no way of knowing that. Also, why does it even matter to us? We’re not paying for their degree.

I think we need to acknowledge that every major serves its purpose. When we look back on societies, we often have to reflect on written works from writing majors, and artistic pieces from photography majors. But then, we also need nursing majors to take care of people. How would we educate our children without our education majors? Who would report the news if it weren’t for our journalism majors?

At the end of the day, we all just need to get over ourselves. It would be so boring and illogical if we all had the same interests and the same skill set. Having a different major than someone doesn’t make you any better than them. Period. So quit being a jerk, hop off your high horse and stop talking crap about other majors.

http://www.thegeorgeanne.com/opinion/article_32880ab4-44c5-11e4-951d-7715c7d2751d.html

Kristina's Greatest Hits: Season 1

All of these are posts from tumblr within the past 1.5 months. I don't want to lose these thoughts in a sea of reblogs, but I can't really expound upon them long enough to make them an entire blog post. Thus, Kristina's Greatest Hits was born. Enjoy.

Episode 1
I was at a restaurant with a friend waiting for a to-go box. I had to take my food home because I don’t have a car, and I had nothing else to eat that day.

 She takes this an opportunity to start eating off my plate. She takes a little bit, then a lot. She pretty much eats 75% of my leftovers.

And you know what? I didn’t say anything. 

And that’s what pisses me off. I never say anything.I just sit there agitated and upset.I'm too afraid to stand up for myself.

 If it’s a stranger, no problem. 

But if it’s a friend, I just sit there and keep letting them do something that bothers me.I wish I could stop that.

Episode 2
There’s a difference between not being interested in popular things and then purposely avoiding things because they are popular. Sure I like things that don’t interest people at my school, but I am definitely able to admit when I like a Top 40 song, and I can enjoy a Pumpkin Spice Latte.

Episode 3
I love when people read my writing but it’s hard because I don’t know when to correct people when they simply just don’t “get” it.

Episode 4
My thing is, if you’re having such a great time at the party, what I do with my body should be the least of your concern.

Episode 5
Well we aren’t really friends anymore, but now we have the same class, who just always said racially ignorant statements, and was the queen of the microagression.

Literally every single day she would emphasize to me the fact that she would not date a black guy. If she even found one attractive, she would say “Iwouldntdateablackguy but he was really cute.”

Kay.

Well anyways we were studying, and this guy with dreads walked by. She looked at him with disdain and was like “Would you ever date a guy with dreads?” 

And idk. The question, our past, everything about it rubbed me the wrong way. It was like this vibe like wow, not only is he black, but he has this “scary” looking hairstyle.

 I just said, “I’m not going to make blanket statements about who I would or wouldnt date, without getting to know the person first.” 

Episode 6
It breaks my heart sitting here in these classes, being around people who think the way they do. Even the fake feminists and activists are draining me.

 I can’t wait to graduate, and go to a place where I can just be myself and not have to keep everything bottled up.

Episode 7
Now that I’m older I’m realizing I don’t have to grin and bare people’s problematic statements.

 I have enough friends.

 If you’re going to say crappy comments I’m not losing anything by calling you out.

Episode 8
Is it appropriate to contact people you’ve kissed in the past and ask how you can improve?

Because my biggest fear is that I suck at kissing.

Episode 9
We fight for huge issues like people being oppressed and inequalities, but whatever happened to just simple common courtesy and treating people with respect.

 What happened to not lying, and saying please and thank you?

Episode 10
Black friends making fun of your darker complexion is still wrong and anti-black.

The thing is, I’m still cute. 

Not in spite of my complexion, but because of it.

Episode 11
It’s so cool that people are on board with this new trendy thing called feminism now. 

But if you are willing to accept that male privilege exists then how are you not able to accept that white and heterosexual privilege exists as well?

Episode 12
Sometimes too many horrible things happen in our world at once and I just take a break from commenting or feeling just get by.

 It’s not because I don’t care. It’s because I care too much, and in order for me to not self-destruct I need to process these feelings in my own time.

People often discount the feeling of worthlessness associated with realizing that your body (your black body) does not count as something worthy of living, in this country. 

This is not a joke. 

This is not the social justice warriors on tumblr. This is me, a black woman asking how many more people have to die before we realize that this is a problem.

I wish the answers were right in front of us, and I wish the people and families hurting didn’t have to hurt anymore. 
But I just get so discouraged.

Episode 13
I can definitely identify with how hard it is to go against your parent's values in support of members of the GSM community. But let's not compare that to actually coming out.

I am enough.

Since I've started college, I don't think I've ever been completely content with my accomplishments. 

When I made the SOAR team I was proud of myself, and I celebrated for a day or two. But then I needed to focus on another job I was applying for.

I have this intense fear of being viewed as average. 

Which is a normal fear to have, but it completely consumes my life. It's something I spend entirely too much time worrying about.

I was talking to my Mom earlier this week and she basically told me that I didn't have to try anymore. I mean, I could try if I wanted to. But I didnt need to keep joining activities and doing extracurriculars because I felt like I was behind. I'm allowed to do things that I actually want to do, and things that I find fun. She was saying it out of concern because I don't sound that happy anymore. 

"Kristina, if you just stopped today, your resume would be good enough. It would blow people's socks off still. So there's no need. You can stop."

I was on the bus. All I could do was roll my eyes...

and have a conversation with myself. Which is something I need to stop doing because it's weird as hell. 

She doesn't understand what it's like to be me. I have to keep doing things or I'm going to be behind.

Behind who?

Who the hell knows. But I'm just going to be behind them.

Behind them in terms of what?

Who the hell knows that either.

But I'm just going to be behind them, I just am. 

Well last week I did end up being behind some people. It freaking sucked so I only told three people, because if I told anymore then I couldn't pretend to be perfect anymore. 

One of the people I shared my story with offered some insight. They said a  friend  had helped them recently with a very simple phrase.

"You are enough."

I think when you read it, it sounds obvious. But it's something I had never stopped to consider. The fact that I could be perfectly fine, just the way I am.

I had to sit for a while and think about it. 

I am enough. 

I am enough?

 Am I enough? 

Yeah, you know what, I am enough.

Why am I trying to impress people who don't give a rat's ass about what I am doing?

Why am I breaking my neck competing with these non-existent people that I believe are coming for my non-existent title? 

This isn't fun anymore. 

This is me torturing myself to gain approval from people that I most likely won't see after graduation.

Are these people really worried about what Kristina is doing?

No.

I am fine. I am content.

I'm not perfect, but I'm good enough.

 I am enough. 

9/27/2014

Growing up, I was always the person that no one was attracted to. But I had friends who just had to blink, and suddenly they had a boyfriend. It was so confusing and annoying.

I wasn't angry with my friends but I definitely was jealous. They got every guy they wanted with absolutely no work. And if people asked them how they did it, they had no answers. It just happened that way. 

Sometimes they would get rejected like once, and their whole world would fall apart. And that confused me. Dude, it's one guy out of 5,000.

Now I'm realizing, I am that friend to a lot of people.

Not in terms of guys, but in terms of positions on campus. 

I could see why other people may think that I just fall into things, or I get everything I want, without working at all. I can see people becoming jealous of me. It's obvious because they try to make their comments sound like compliments. Or they compare themselves. Everything is a competition, and they can't be unconditionally happy for me.

 I don't blame them because from the outside it is probably very confusing to them. 

One day on tumblr multiple people were anonymously messaging me saying that I didn't have to work for anything I had, and I just got things handed to me. It was really baffling to me because I'm a black woman in America. Of course I have to work hard for things. I actually have to work twice as hard. I kept trying to defend myself, but at the end of the day I felt bad. Because these people were obviously hurt by me and my success

I earned most of these positions because I went out of my comfort zone in the beginning of college, and started networking with people. I looked for multiple ways I could get involved, and didn't keep pushing things off until Junior year. I took small things, that I could use to further my leadership skills.

I'm very good at forced conversation, and I have good interview skills. I just naturally smile and giggle a lot in interviews (out of nervousness), and people mistake it for friendliness. I make sure that I'm warm, and not stand-offish. I'm very good at articulating myself in a professional manner.

I'm constantly editing my resume. The third week of freshman year I took it in to get critiqued, and I've been building on it ever since. I know the importance of a good GPA, and doing well in school.

I know how to dress professionally.

The thing is, you could do all of these things and more. You could talk better, dress better, try harder, work longer, and you still may not be able to do the things that I do.

There's no explanation for that.

Because it's life.

I now realize that.

The girls that got all of the guys? That's just life. The people who are prettier than me? That's just life.

All of this is just life.

There will always be someone with something you don't have, doing something that you want to do. And as sucky as it is, as confusing as it is, there isn't going to be a concrete reason for why it's happening.

All we can do is keep working, and keep trying to push ourselves.

Which isn't what most people would like to hear.

But these are the cards that we've been dealt.

9/26/2014

At the beginning of Freshman year, there was nothing I wanted more, than to be involved with every single leadership position possible on our campus. I wanted to be a SOAR Leader, a BUILD Leader, a Site Leader, a Community Leader, a Peer Leader. And you want to know what's awesome? I've done four out of five. I've learned so much about leadership, but it's all super cheesy stuff that I could write about at another time. There's one thing I've learned that I just want to focus in on right now.

I've learned to separate the real, from the fake. 

I know that we're in college so we're growing and learning, but I kind of always expected the leaders on our campus to hold ourselves to a certain standard. One where we went out of our way to help others, and one where we were consistent. I expected us to just show some respect to the groups we were hanging out with, and practice good character.

But in the past couple of months, I've been very disappointed. I've heard student leaders use countless slurs, and calling things r****** left and right. I've been harassed for my beliefs. I've heard student leaders allowing people to get away with anything on their watch. I've had student leaders crack jokes about people with Down's Syndrome, or AIDS or other horrible things. They've made fun of people's majors, and they've thought they were better than others. They sat by when injustices occurred. They've created drama. They've faked a passion for helping others. They've made fun of people for the way they look.

The sad thing is, half of these things happened with some of the most visible leaders on our campus. The people who have the most followers, and the people who many others look up to.

I'm not saying I'm perfect by any means. I definitely had that mindset that most younger students had. I had to be noticed for my work, or else doing it was pointless. Luckily, I've stopped being a jerk.

But I am saying that there's a difference between when I hangout with my involved friends, and my un-involved friends. The un-involved friends are often the least problematic.

I think things changed drastically over the summer. I just grew a ton, and I realized what I wanted out of my life. I realized that I was meant to be an activist, and promote real social justice work.

I am involved with the Office of Student Leadership and Civic Engagement on our campus. A lot of the people in there are great, but ehh. I hungout with some students who were very involved in that office, and some of the things they said offended and shocked me.

So now I'm conflicted.

Are we doing things because we care? Because they reflect our morals and our values?

Or are we doing things to fill our resumes? Are we volunteering with special needs kids, then cracking jokes about them? Are we going to places where racial inequalities exist, then saying slurs? Are we working in places to build community, but all we're doing is creating division?

I just can't tell who is genuine anymore, so it makes me want to separate myself from it all because it's so stressful and draining. It makes me want to wait until after college, where I can build a network of passionate people, who aren't trying to win awards or compete with the person next to them.

But then I realize, there's more work to be done. I have time here. I can help create a culture shift on our campus. And as hard as it is, as draining as it is, I have to keep going. I have to keep fighting.

I just don't even know where to start.

It's been a weird morning.

Everyone remembers their first breakup. And if you haven't had the distinct pleasure of going through a breakup you better praise Jesus, because it the most annoying and saddest thing ever. It doesn't matter if it was unexpected, it doesn't matter if you guys had been arguing for months. It doesn't matter if you met on facebook, and only hungout twice even though you lived 5 minutes away.

That might have been the story of my first breakup.

But anyways, it doesn't matter. Everyone always experiences the same emotions. There's sadness, anger, denial, confusion, hollowness.

But I think the hardest thing about a breakup is re-wiring your thoughts about your future. Every time you imagine yourself 5 years down the line, your significant other is always factored into the equation. So it's hard. You have to keep reminding yourself that it doesn't matter how badly you wanted it to work, that person is just not going to be in your future. And it sucks. The self-correction and re-wiring of thoughts is my least favorite part about a breakup.

I'm not going through a breakup with a person, I'm growing through a breakup with a dream of mine.

I feel exactly the same.

Me mourning a life-long dream isn't the only thing that is making this a weird morning.

There's this older Asian woman at my school who is known for going to closed events on campus, and taking free food. If there is a free food event, she is there. She somehow manages to sneak in, and it's kind of become an accepted thing. No one actually knows if she attends Georgia Southern.

Which is actually kind of sad because now that I think about it why IS she so hungry? Can she not afford food? If so, that's really heartbreaking.

Anyways, there's also a guy who is in my Public Health class who uses a wheelchair. Most people who have wheelchairs at GSU use electric ones, but this guy uses an old fashioned one. Our campus is hilly in some places, so I know he has a hard time traveling. People in my Public Health class kind of get irritated with him though because he's very disruptive in class with rude, irrelevant, or random comments.

I was leaving my house listening to my Spotify playlist named Sad, because you guessed it, I was sad this morning. I see the guy in the wheelchair pretty far ahead of me, struggling in the drizzling rain. I look out of the corner of my eye and see free-food lady running, at lightening speed.

I was confused because she had on plaid pants and clogs. But then I figured that sometimes people wear weird things when they workout because they can't afford tennis shoes. Free-food lady keeps running until she is directly behind Public Health guy, and another person.

I assumed she would run around them since she was trying to get her jog on, and they were in her way.

To my surprise she stops, and pushes Public Health guy down the sidewalk. I mean, she is struggling. Shes a small woman, and like I mentioned she is wearing clogs. And it is drizzling! She pushes him down the sidewalk (which is actually flat) like a mountain herder pushing a goat up the side of Mount Everest.

That analogy wasn't really accurate, but I think it helps you understand.

She pushes Public Health guy for all of 3 minutes, until they cross the intersection. Once they get there, he thanks her, and then he keeps rolling down the sidewalk. She stands there looking like a proud mother who's kid just went off for their first day of pre-school. She watches him for several minutes until he's out of sight. Smiling, and proud of her good deed, she turns around to return to wherever she came from.

Sheep.

Yesterday my school newspaper printed an article about sex. It featured a poll of 50 students, and asked their views about it. According to the poll, 42% of people our campus were "virgins" (hate using that word because it's a social construct), and 58% were not.

The paper also featured some interesting quotes from students. Some people stressed the importance of waiting, others compared sex to a hot dog. And honestly, I see nothing wrong with that. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions on it. If you want to treat sex seriously, that's fine. If you want to treat sex as a joke, that's fine. Because at the end of the day, it's not impacting me.

Also, there were only 50 students polled. It's not like the paper was trying to do a scientific study. This was just a poll for a paper. I honestly feel like the hoopla around it is confusing, and odd. Colleges have entire weeks dedicated to sex. Even at Georgia Southern, we play games like condom bingo!! The article wasn't perfect. I believe that a little plug for safe sex should have been featured at the bottom. But, I digress.

This article isn't about the actual article.

It's about people that jumped on the bandwagon to bash it, without even taking the 5 minutes it takes to read it. For example, someone posted  a Facebook status on the issue. However, there were people liking the status who I know have never read our school paper in their lives. This isn't me making assumptions because I actually asked them.

The newspaper at my school is not only online, but it is in practically every building on campus. It is free, easy to read, and not very long. People definitely have access to it.

I think forming your own opinion on a piece of work is fine, it is human nature. I feel like forming your own opinion based on someone else's opinion without doing any prior research, is irresponsible. I don't know what it is, but many people my age have this herd mentality. They MUST like/dislike something to fit in without taking some time to critically analyze it, and actually see if it aligns with their values.

I'm sorry, but I thought that was only acceptable in middle school? We're adults. We are of voting age. If we aren't taking the five seconds necessary to research controversial topics, we are being lazy.

So yes, while I do not agree with people who disliked the article, I applaud them for taking the time to read something, and form their own views. I am disappointed in those who didn't do the same.

9/18/2014

I hate calling the things that  I write “articles” because I’m not a real writer and they’re not well written. 
They’re just thoughts from my brain posted on the Internet and in the school paper. 

But anyways, one of my “articles” irritated this guy so much that two of my friends told me he was talking about it. When my friend Jessica suggested that we were close friends, and that she knew me in real life, he was shocked. He imagined me writing this article in some far off place like New York while typing on a Mac like SJP. It didn’t occur to him that the writing he was criticizing online, and in person, was written by someone that he had interacted with several times before.

It's weird. I see my writing, and I see the writing of those people that I highly respect. People in my fellowship can write so beautifully, and for a long length of time. Their vocabulary is impressive, and I see no grammatical errors. When I write for my school news paper there are so many mistakes because I usually type them on my iPhone while I wait the 15 minutes it takes for my Kraft Macaroni to boil. I figure if there are mistakes the editor will catch them and if not, oh well. People will get the gist of what I'm saying.

But now I'm wondering if I should take the time to improve my writing. I know I overuse commas, but they just seem to match my natural way of speaking. I honestly have never used a semicolon, and don't ask me how to, because I simply don't know. I don't know when the paragraphs end, or begin. 

But then on the other hand, it's really freeing to not care. I no longer have to impress anyone, because I'm almost at the point where I'm content with myself. 

I just write because it feels good, and it makes sense to me. 

I know I share my articles often, but it's not to gain respect. It's to make others think. I enjoy thinking about tough things, and I want to help others do the same. 

My friend Ciera and I started a conversation on Monday, and we are still researching the ideas brought up in it today. That kind of stuff excites me. Exercising my brain, and thinking about things other than homework and work. 

I think over time my writing style will just improve naturally. But it will probably be a long time. If you are reading this now and have read my other work and you're wondering why people like what I write, I have no explanation. If you're reading this now and wondering why that last sentence was so awkwardly written, I am sorry. 

I promise to do better next time.

But I almost got a perfect grade in English 1102. I think that counts for something right?

A is for Ally

I really struggle with people who cling so tightly to their Ally title, when in all honesty I shy away from it. I don't really think of it as some badge of honor. I think of it as me being a decent person. I mean, it just seems like common sense to me. Why would I not want to use my privileges to help those with less?

Of course we know that the real world isn't like that.

There are people that 1. don't want to acknowledge their privileges or 2. acknowledge it, but don't want to do anything about it. It makes sense. We want to differentiate ourselves from those people, so we give ourselves a name. Ally. But what does it mean?

I think some people believe that because they say gay people she get married, they are an ally. I think some people believe that just because they think racism is wrong, they are an ally.

I think they're wrong. I think an Ally is able to recognize systematic oppression, and is actively doing something about it. They're not just sitting there acknowledging that people's lives are harder, and then going on with their merry way.

Also, Allies are humble.

Allies do their work because they truly believe in it.. They feel it in their gut that something is not right, and they are taking a stand. They don't do it for recognition because it's the exact opposite of what they want.

Allies don't constantly reiterate their Allyship. For me to go into a GSM space, and keep reiterating to people that I'm straight, is actually a form of aggression. Why must I re-affirm my identity? Why is my pat on the back more important than someone else's safe space?

Allies are willing to get their privilege checked. They will often be wrong or uninformed when it comes to certain issues. Instead of arguing out of hurt, they will take a step back and actually listen to the oppressed group. They will read, research, and understand that often times oppressed groups aren't just speaking from emotion. There are years of historical analysis and writing on the topics.

Allies don't treat everyone like a walking encyclopedia. Since I've just mentioned that there are years of historical analysis and writing on certain topics, there is no need for you to corner every oppressed group, and constantly ask for knowledge. It's draining, and emotionally taxing. Respect that, and read a dang book.

I think that often times, allies are used to being the most progressive/liberal person in their group of friends. So they cling to that, and enjoy that. So much so that they think they know everything they need to know. They take up too much space, and don't constantly check their privileges. They let their title get in the way of actual allyship. They treat people's oppression as something trendy that they can just tote around to impress people, but what does it really mean?

What are you really doing?

Ask yourself that.

Why Going Natural Isn't Always Best

For those that don't know, "going natural" is a term used to describe women in the black community who have decided to no longer permanently alter their hair texture.

 I think there are different reasons people go natural. Some women go natural because of the versatility. Others are more political. I like being natural because it rebels against our society's Euro-centric standards of beauty. 

 I used to feel hurt about statements like "natural hair isn't for me." How could your God-given hair texture not be for you? Does that mean my hair is ugly? But now I realize there is a difference between blanket statements like "natural hair doesn't look good on everyone," and just "natural hair isn't for me." I’m also realizing that encouraging others to go natural is a slippery slope. 

Where is the line between trying to help others, and society once again telling women how to live their lives?

The thing that helped me put things into perspective was my journey towards weight loss. Before I started losing weight, I wasn't “fat” but you could definitely see where I could lose a few pounds. I researched the heck out of weight loss. I ate healthy, I exercised, I checked in with my doctor. Yet everywhere I turned people kept trying to  shut me down. They kept reiterating that I was fine the way I was, and I was small, and I was fine. It just made me even more agitated. Couldn't these people see that I was doing what was best for me? 

I thought the body acceptance movement was great, but wasn't part of body acceptance allowing me to make my own choices regarding my body? Me wanting to lose weight wasn't me saying that skinny is better. It wasn't me saying that the Euro-centric standard of beauty was better. It was me saying that I want my body to look a certain way, and I would do what it took for it to look that way. I wasn't judging those bigger than me. I was making a personal choice.

While talking with a friend this weekend, a light bulb went off. The same idea could be applied to the natural hair movement. 

People can acknowledge that their natural hair is beautiful. They can acknowledge that natural hair is beautiful on other people. They can acknowledge that straight hair is still closer to what society prefers. But that doesn't mean that they need to go natural because of it. They are supposed to be making choices about their own hair, and their own body. By now they have probably heard the same comments that I heard in regards to my weight loss. They aren't necessarily self-hating women because they chose to straighten their hair. They are women taking control over their own bodies. They are making a choice that they feel is more aesthetically pleasing for them, and them alone.

I also think it would be naive of me to not acknowledge the consequences of going natural. I know that my hairstyle (and now color) could be seen as "unprofessional." It could inhibit my chances at being considered for certain jobs. For me to judge women who are afraid of that, would be selfish. There’s also a level of pretentiousness. Am I suddenly more pro-black because my hair is in a fro? Wouldn't that be irrelevant if I still had an anti-black attitude? I fight so hard to not be judged by my appearance, and instead by the merit of my work. Wouldn't focusing on my hair be counter-productive? Why was I correlating my hairstyle with my level of social activism? 

At the end of the day, going natural is awesome. Keeping your hair straight is awesome. Any hairstyle is awesome if it’s the one you want, and not one that you were pressured into.

-Kristina

Feelin' Smart.

Everyone has that ONE thing that they are totally insecure about. If anyone brings up that ONE thing, its something that will make them melt into a puddle of emotions, and feelings of inadequacy.

I never really became conventionally attractive until junior year of high school, so I had pretty much accepted the fact that I was  ugly. It wasn't a "woe is me" type of thing. It was a "the sky is blue, grass is green, no one finds you attractive, so you better have a good personality," type of thing. Insulting my looks was something that sucked, but something that I could get over. Insulting my intelligence, phew! That's something I will never get over.

I guess it's because growing up, I thought differently than the head of my household. I spent the majority of my life thinking that my way of thinking was wrong and that asking questions to gain more knowledge was disrespectful.In elementary school, I was actually seemingly smart. I could read the fastest out of any girl in my class. I always had my nose in a book, and I loved using new words. But that phase faded after a move from Michigan to Georgia. I stopped reading, and I stopped caring.  In high school, everyone in my friend group had super high GPAs. Even though I scored within the 85th percentile on the SAT, I still graduated feeling inadequate. Freshman year of high school I went through a severe bout with depression. I had a 2.0. I worked my butt off to graduate with a 3.5. But it still didn't count in my book. I was going to a college that people  in my county looked down on. Actually, people in my state, because of false rumors. That's another blog post for another day. Anyways, at graduation I sat in my seat wondering why I was simply so dumb. 

In college, I was determined to make things better. I had a 3.8 GPA after my first semester. It felt awesome. I just had this idea that I suddenly became intelligent over the summer. I felt this air of superiority. But that all went downhill after second semester of Sophomore year, where stress over involvement, mental health, my future career, all made my GPA come tumbling down. 

So here I am now. I still feel exactly the same. I'm interacting with people who are super intelligent, and making changes in their community. Even though I'm heavily involved at school, I can't shake the feeling that I'm not doing nearly enough. People are writing life-changing articles, and my simplistic writing style feels as though it was written by an 8th grader.

I'm getting to the point where I'm realizing this is something that I won't be able to shake. I'll continue feeling like this for the rest of my life. I'm also getting to the point where I'm realizing that I need to stop caring.

 So what if I'm not the smartest person in the room? So what if I am? So what if my GPA isn't a 4.0? So what if it is? I still bring something meaningful to the table.

 I still matter.

Popularity is Overrated.

Ever since middle school, my life has been this constant process of me complaining about my lack of friends. When I do make friends, they aren't the "right" friends, and we have a falling out. It's been a constant cycle of friendships (or lack of friendships) adding more stress to my life, than happiness.

I thought this would all change once I entered college, but it didn't. I came to college in a toxic relationship, and it held me back from making friends my first year. The first months of Sophomore year were hard, because I essentially had to start all over. However, the summer before Sophomore year I made a promise to myself that it would be my best year yet. It was. I made so many new friends, and gained so many more opportunities. I was making a name for myself on campus. I also got a job that afforded me the opportunity to gain 23 instant friends. Along with that came respect, and recognition. Not only that, I was rekindling old friendships as well. It was really such a great year. I finally had all of the loyal, fun friends that I wanted. I couldn't walk across campus without saying hi to multiple people. It got to the point where people avoided walking around with me.

 All of my life I had built friendship up to be this big magical thing. The thing that would make me truly happy. Don't get me wrong, I am happy. But not because of my friends. I'm happy because of myself. You see, I do know a ton of people on campus. But actually, probably only 30 of them are friends. As in, they're people that I could text and ask to hangout and it would be totally normal. Out of those 30 people, only 15 are consistent. These are the people that I hangout with on a regular basis. Out of those 15 people, only 5 people really "get" me. Side note: I don't have people in mind when I'm writing this post, this is really just for statistical purposes. Moving on, those 5 people "get" me, because they understand and respect every aspect of me. They know how I feel about things from pop culture, to politics. They embrace my progressive values, etc. So we have those 5 core people, that I can consistently count on. 

But even those 5 people are human. They make mistakes. They let me down. It's not because they're bad people, it's because it would be illogical to expect them to be flawless. Sometimes those mistakes truly hurt me. I'm sure I've made some mistakes in friendships that have caused people pain as well. I'm not saying friendships are supposed to be perfect, but I am saying the only person who has consistently built me up, has been myself. So I shouldn't discount that.

Friendships are a ton of fun, but they also take up a lot of time. They require work, forgiveness, and understanding to truly be successful.  As I get older, I'm realizing that it's not about the amount of Twitter followers. It's not the amount of people who like your Instagram picture. It's the amount of people that can truly love you unconditionally, and be there when you truly need them. Even if that amount of people is 10, or 1, it is still important. It is still something to be treasured. 

What Feminism Isn't.

I've been feeling torn lately. As someone who identifies as a feminist, I feel so happy that the movement is gaining resurgence. Women everywhere are raising their voices in the hope that we will someday truly have equality. Not many people on my college campus have access to people who identify as feminists, so I'm often asked for my own definition of the movement. If I had to sum up how the feminist ideals shape my own life, I probably stick to my usual short sentence.

"I believe that a feminist is someone who is able to recognize the negative impacts of our patriarchal society, and is someone who is actively working towards social and economical equality for women."

It's pretty self-explanatory right? Usually this answer is good enough for others, and they move on with their life. However, with many people claiming to be feminists now I feel like things are getting cloudy. What truly IS feminism? Where do we draw the line between being a genuine feminist, and being trendy? I feel like the only way for me to properly dissect feminism is for me to inform others of what feminism is not. 

Disclaimer: This isn't going to be an article about how feminism isn't about burning your bra, and not shaving your armpits, because if you already think that, then you're probably not mature or informed enough to be on this blog. Also, if you're looking for me to sound super academic this probably isn't the space for you either. 

Feminism does not shame women for their sexual choices, and the way they choose to express themselves.

The whole point of feminism, is choice. Feminists believe that a woman should be able to choose to live her life the way she sees fit. Therefore, a feminist can choose to abstain from sex. She can choose to have sex with multiple partners. She can have sex with a man, she can have sex with a woman. She can have sex on Mondays and Tuesdays, and she can have sex on Wednesdays and Thursdays. Bottom line is, a woman can have sex (or not have sex) anytime she chooses. A true feminist does not judge women for their sexual kinks and quirks. They do not alienate women who choose to wait until marriage to have sex. They mind their own business and just stick to advocating for safe, consensual, sex. That's it. That's all we're worried about here people.

Feminists also don't think lesser of a woman because of how she dresses. People can wear see-through clothing, or they can wear super long skirts. They can think it's okay to wear Nike shorts to class everyday. If you look back on this blog you can see previous writing about clothing choices, so I'm not going to expand much more on that topic. 

Also, feminists don't refer to other women as thots, sluts, whores, etc. Pretty much any problematic term that shames women for behaving the same way that men do. That's actually pretty crappy if you are a "feminist" and think that that is slightly okay. 

Feminism is consistent.

If you want to stand up for women, you don't get to pick and choose when you do so. You can't complain about women-shaming, then tell people what's appropriate for them to wear to class. You can't preach about a women's right to choose (about anything) and then bash them for making a decision that you would not like. You can't stand up for domestic violence victims one day, then victim blame the next. You can't say you believe in women having autonomy over their own body, then refer to them as sluts the next second. What are you doing people?!

Feminism does not shame women for their own religious choices.

There's this common misconception that the archetype for a feminist is an angry white, atheist, lesbian. And that's okay, because I actually like angry, white, atheist, lesbians. But those aren't the only people who believe in feminist values. This misconception that a feminist has to be atheist, and can't be religious is actually quite annoying. I am a proud Christian who is also a firm feminist. I don't think these things conflict, in fact, I think they actually work hand-in-hand. I am able to analyze and accept that sometimes people's religious values can infiltrate our government, and negatively impact women. I'm not naive.

 And don't even get me started with so-called feminists shaming Muslim women, for covering their hair/bodies. If a woman CHOOSES to practice that faith then that is her CHOICE and therefore, it is none of your business. Enough with this myth that every Muslim woman needs to be liberated. The only thing she needs to be liberated from is you with your ignorant misconceptions about her faith. 

Feminism is not trans-exclusive.

If someone identifies as a woman, she is a woman. Therefore, we must protect them at all costs. I don't get how people can claim to be feminists while ignoring the fact that trans women are being murdered at astronomical rates. I'm tired of TERF feminists thinking they're feminists. They're actually really, really, annoying and hateful. 

Feminism does not forget about power structure, and intersectionality.

If you are able to acknowledge the fact that your life is harder because you are woman, you are should also be able to acknowledge the fact that your life would be EVEN harder if you were a POC woman, a disabled woman, a GSM woman, an undocumented woman. If you want to fight for equality, fight for us all. Don't enter POC safe spaces, and turn the conversation into something about you. Don't talk about domestic violence victims and forget about those in GSM relationships. Don't quote the 77 cents  quote while ignoring that fact that as a black woman, I will actually only be making 64 cents for every white mans dollar, AND that Latino women will actually be making only 54 cents. 

Also, if you are able to acknowledge that men shouldn't be calling women derogatory terms, then ERADICATE YOUR USE OF DEROGATORY TERMS. The n-word, r******* (a term for people with special needs), calling things "gay", complaining that you "look like a lesbian," all of those things go against the feminist code of conduct. SO STOP DOING IT.

Feminism is not a trend. 

I didn't become a feminist because Beyonce told me to. I didn't become a feminist because it was something cute to put in my Instagram bio. I am a feminist because I believe in equality, and I will not stop working to help woman receive the fair treatment they deserve. 

-Kristina