I'm Not Like Those Feminists.

You know when we were younger, and we just wanted guys to like us? So we tried to do whatever it took for them to see us in a different light?

 We heard guys complaining about girls who started drama, or girls who wore too much makeup, or used certain phrases, or talked about certain subjects.

So, not only did we go out of our way to eliminate that behavior, we also had to let our potential love interests know that we were "not like those girls." 

We were a different breed of girl. A smart girl, a worldly girl. The perfect mix of femininity and chillness that all of the guys wanted. We wanted to be a girl that exuded confidence and maturity, not one that got caught up in frivolous things that other girls our age liked.

Thinking back on those days is actually really sad for me. I was so young. I didn't know what a feminist was, and I certainly didn't know what internalized misogyny was. I just knew that I didn't want to be the last girl to experience her first kiss.

Now that I'm older, I'm able to analyze society, and the way it values the interests of young women. I'm able to realize that anything young women tend to cling to, is inherently "bad" or "stupid" or "vain", and therefore young men need to constantly express their disdain for it.

I'm realizing that there was nothing wrong with the girls who wore makeup, or talked like they were from the valley. They were just different than me, and that's okay.

I'm realizing that it even though I wasn't like "most girls," I didn't deserve a badge of honor, or my first kiss.

You would think that this type of thinking wouldn't be popular within the feminist movement, but it actually is.

Not a day goes by where I don't hear a phrase from a so-called feminist, trying to prove to a man that she's "not like most feminists."

Either it's because she doesn't hate men, or she shaves her armpits, or she uses tampons, or she has conservative values, or she actually values her appearance. It pretty much leads to her rambling about how evolved she is compared to them, and by the end of the conversation she's pretty much agreeing that she's not a feminist at all. 

It's totally cool that you aren't a carbon-copy of other feminists. It would be boring and sad.

But I just don't like this cycle of women-on-women bashing that happens throughout our lives just so that we can impress men.

You don't have to be like "those feminists." 

You just have to be yourself.

They just have to be themselves.

We all just have to be ourselves, and not sacrifice our values, just for the sake of fitting in.

-Kristina 

I just really want to talk about the steady stream of people disliking me because of my radical views.

Two weeks ago, it was a girl upset about my school talking about sex. She was also upset about the right that I have, to talk about her, on my blog. It pissed her off so much that she wrote a 600 word letter to the editor. 

That week, I also made someone in mymulticultural  student center upset because I did not approve of their terminology when discussing people who identify as transgender, and their depiction of black women.

Last week, I managed to get into an argument with a well-known misogynistic and homophobic "activist" on my campus, who continues to make disparaging remarks about black women, and constantly tells women what they should be doing in regards to their own sexuality.

I also pissed people off in class when I explained the myths about stop and frisk, affirmative action, and welfare. I also talked about the dangers of racial profiling. 

Today, I ended up in an hour long facsbook argument with someone about Allyship. I also was in a 1.5 hour debate with "allies" about their problematic behavior. I also pissed off white people when I talked about white privilege and called them out on their problematic statements. I now have people talking about me on YikYak, and asking for my safe space certification revoked.

Had this been a year ago, I would have broken down. But now, it gives me the fuel to keep pushing. I'm making a name for myself on this campus. And the more people I piss off, the more people that will start talking about me and my radical politics.

I remember I was talking about Lupita's skin tone, and how my goal was to be as dark as her.

My (white) co-worker scrunched her face and said

Um. I think you should stay the same skin color you are now.

Men are uncomfortable when they aren't the smartest person in the room.

Men are scared when a woman is.

Controversy never scared me.

I want to be remember as someone who shared their opinion eloquently

And fearlessly.

A lot of my writing centers around fear of losing my voice.
Fear of being ignored.
I know what it’s like to be a brown girl struggling to be heard
In a sea of people who don’t look like her
And certainly don’t think like her.
If my writing can make that brown girl’s voice just one decibel louder
Then my time was well-spent.

Think about how much of our fragile, delicate souls that we’ve spilled on something as metal, cold, and impermanent like the Internet.