If You Never Read Anything I Write Again, I Want You To Read This

I think the first step of allyship is recognizing that a certain community is being oppressed, and that you feel the need to do something about it. This step is fairly easy. 

The second step, is often hard. 

This step involves  realizing that everything you've been taught about this group of people your whole life, has been wrong. And even though it's completely wrong, it's what society as a whole believes, and it has been ingrained in you from day one. And because society as a whole believes this, you have been afforded many opportunities that people from this oppressed community have not had access to.

It isn't your fault, and you didn't ask for it, but you still have a privilege that you didn't even realize you had. 

This isn't a fun or easy process, and it's almost naive to think that it would be. 

The acknowledgment of one's privilege usually comes with a sense of guilt, and defensiveness. From one ally to another, I want you to know this:

It is not about you.

It is not the job of the oppressed to provide you emotional support to work through these feelings of guilt and confusion, because they already have enough on their plate. It is also not the job of the oppressed to educate you on your privilege, and their life. There are 100s of years of research and books, and movies that can probably aid you on your journey to enlightenment.

So when the oppressed goes out of your way to do so, it is a blessing. It is not something that should be taken for granted.

It's a sign that the oppressed think so highly of you, that they did not write you off as another lost cause. They saw the potential within in you to rise above what society has taught you, and to recognize their humanity.

Haven't you heard of "spare the rod, spoil the child"?

It can be applied to multiple situations. In parenting, it's pretty easy to understand that parents often discipline their children because they love them. And this discipline may be painful, and awkward, and uncomfortable, but the end result is ultimately worth it. And it's also easy to understand that when a parent doesn't care about the outcome of their child, they won't even invest the time necessary to discipline them. 

The same can be thought of when it comes to calling "allies" out on their problematic behavior. 

It is stressful, and emotionally draining to have to explain to people why their behavior harms you. So if a member of the oppressed group is willing to put that aside, the only thing you should be saying to them is

Thank you.