Mom.

Growing up, my mom was the epitome of the perfect woman. She was smart, confident, successful. She shopped at places like Ann Taylor, and Talbots. She was always off to a business meeting, or traveling to Germany. She had the coolest jackets, and she wore high heels. I could always know when she was on her way to pick me up, because I could hear her heels clacking, and her in the middle of finishing an important business call. My mom taught me that you could have it all. You could be a successful business woman, but you could always have dinner on by 5:00. You could never miss a performance, but you could juggle your job at a Fortune 500 company.

My mom taught me the importance of being a confident Black woman. She taught me about racism, and politics. About how people weren't always genuine, and that not everyone would like me for me. She introduced me to the wonders of NPR, Al Franken, and Rachel Maddow. I grew up looking forward to listening to the Rachel Maddow talk show on the way home from school. We used to sit in the driveway and wait for an NPR story to end before walking inside. I remember the time that a teacher made a negative comment about Uncle Tom when I was in the third grade. My mom made me march back into my school and tell my principal. Growing up my mom was the most liberal person I knew. I never thought I would be able to out-liberal her, even if I attended college.

But then we get older. We realize our parents aren't perfect. We lash out at them. Not because we're "disrespectful teens," but because our illusions are shattered. We are hurt because we realize our parents are no longer our idols. They are hurt because THEY realize that they are no longer our idols. Parents just don't understand, and kids just don't understand why parents just don't understand. Kid's feelings are discounted, parent's rules are ignored. The feeling of respect is essentially lost during puberty.

It's no secret that our parents let us down. I know mine did.

It's no secret that our parents aren't perfect. I know mine weren't.

It took a long time for me to trust my mother again. From the ages of 14-19 there was a lack of a bond. There was a lot of hurt, there was a lot of anger. There was a lot of mis-communication on both ends. There was also a lot of time wasted. 5 years we will never get back.

My mom always knew that she loved me, and believed that she was trying. It wasn't until I got to college that she realized love wasn't enough. There had to be an active effort to understand me, and appreciate me. It wasn't going to be easy. 5 years is a long time to hold onto resentment.

But she never gave up. She never hung up the phone when I called at 12:00 am yelling at her, screaming at her. She never hung up the phone when  I just pleaded to know why my parents "let me end up like this," and why I didn't deserve better. She never punished for me when I would just scream, because I felt so helpless. She didn't stop calling me, she didn't stop texting me. She didn't stop re-filling my prescriptions, and she didn't stop finding me doctors. She made an active effort to right her wrongs. A lot of parents wouldn't do that. A lot of parents would just give up on me. But she didn't.

And sometimes I still DO call crying and upset. Sometimes I DO ruin her day. But you know what? She is trying. She is trying to understand me, and how I feel. She is trying to understand my progressive values. She is trying to understand the fact that I probably won't become a successful business-woman, and that activism is what makes me happy.

I think the best part about my mother is that she isn't perfect.

 But she strives to better herself every day. Whether it's work or her relationships. She just keeps trying.

Happy Birthday.