Is there every a polite way to say that you want to make out with someone without any emotional commitment? 

Do I send a text, a hallmark card, an e-vite? 

Do I put it on their Google calendar?

Do I say it in person? How do I phrase it in person? 


I just really want us to get to the space where I as a woman, can talk about my sexual needs and desires, without it being shocking or taboo. I am 20 years old, and if I want to get laid, I want to get laid. If it doesn’t have to be with someone who is my significant other, that’s okay. Physical intimacy without emotional attachment can be something I can enjoy, without society seeing me as though I'm some morally corrupt person. 
I’m not broken because sometimes I want to make out with people and not talk to them ever again. 
I'm not broken because sometimes I want to make out with my friends.
I'm broken for other reasons.

I feel like it's very hard for us Black Woman to navigate our sexuality today. Actually, it's always  been hard for us to navigate our sexuality.

On the one hand,we have a good portion of society seeing us as ugly and undesirable. Completely incapable of being liked, and unworthy of attraction. Especially for darker-skinned Black girls. Our bodies are seen as strange and scary. Sarah Baartman comes to mind when I think about my own struggle with this. Our bodies can cause people to look and be amazed, but the same way they would look and be amazed by an animal at the zoo, not because they are actually attracted to it.

On the other hand, we have society berating us if we do display our sexuality. Look at all the flack Nicki Minaj and Beyonce get for doing the same things as their White female counterparts. Their songs about sex (even sex with their husband) are seen as repulsive, and gross. Their sexiness automatically discounts their intelligence in the world's eyes. But the same thing doesn't happen to other singers.

And then there's another awkward category for girls like me. Trying to navigate being seen as desirable when the main Black Women that are actually called sexy have lighter complexions, weaves, and wear makeup. Also trying to accept the fact that even if I fell into those categories, society still would most likely not see me as desirable.

Where do I fit in?